E.T. in lingerie, or: things that cannot be unseen

This might be the first post on my 16-day-old blog that truly fits the Next Door To Normal title. This is some weirdness right here.

We have the interior and exterior of our house sprayed for bugs every few months year-round because I will freak the hell out and cause bodily harm to myself and others at the sight of an insect. So the bug guy came this week and I cringed when I opened the door to invite him in.

I cringed because I’m SURE he remembers what he saw in my bedroom about six years ago.

Six years ago, Lee was having trouble thinking of a Christmas/Hanukkah present to get me and somehow he landed on a life-size plush version of the E.T. creature. Yes, E.T. as in Extra Terrestrial … as in the 1982 movie by Stephen Spielberg … as in the delicious peanut-buttery Reese’s Pieces.

It was a kinda silly, fun gift playing off the fact that I was a fan of E.T. as a kid and, honestly, I’m sure Lee was walking the aisles at the store trying to figure out something to get me and this stood out.

Like the character in the movie, this version is freaky looking. You squeeze a pad on its hand and it says different things like “ouch,” “phone home,” “E.T. loves you.” Oh, and it belches.

So I wasn’t quite sure what to do with this thing. Where do you put a life-size E.T. doll? I had it in the spare bedroom and I guess Lee thought that wasn’t giving E.T. enough visibility so one night I found E.T. in our bed. Tucked under the cover as if it were sleeping in our bed. When I pulled the cover down, I saw that E.T. was dressed in lingerie.

“You are a FREAK,” I yelled down the hall to where Lee was watching TV.

I re-created the traumatic scene for this photo

I was ready for bed so I just sat E.T. off to the side, climbed in and went to sleep.

The next day, I went to work. When I came home that night, I saw a receipt on the table that the bug guy had been there. I ran to the bedroom and sitting in the middle of our bed was E.T. with lingerie on.

Lee had thought clearly enough to get E.T. up off the floor so the bug guy could hit all the baseboards, but nah, he didn’t think to REMOVE the lingerie and put E.T. somewhere OTHER than our bed!

My face was on fire and I was thinking, “OMG, the bug guy saw this. He must think we are total freaks!”

I vowed that day to never be home when the bug guy came to the house.

Typically Lee does handle this appointment but this week it was scheduled at a time when only I was home, and so I had to relive the humiliation. Of course, he never says anything but I’m certain he remembers E.T. in lingerie. Some things cannot be unseen.

Now are you ready for the really weird part of this story? E.T. is STILL in our bedroom. It’s become a fixture, right there on the floor next to the nightstand. I move it to another room when we have company, or when the bug guy comes! But Lee always moves it back into our room later.

I’ll let you and my therapist figure that one out.

This entry was posted in Lee, Weird shit that happens.


  1. Quailman January 17, 2013 at 8:08 am #

    This is frickin’ hilarious. We need to sell “The Schnyders” to the CW – sure to be a ratings hit.

    • Melinda January 17, 2013 at 9:36 am #

      Thanks, Doug! Lee likes to come up with sitcom ideas, actually…then he tells me to get them in front of someone who could actually do something with them. I know nothing about pitching ideas for TV shows!

  2. Streepk January 18, 2013 at 7:38 pm #

    Completely hilarious! Thanks for sharing the visual too….so we can’t unsee it either. Your blog is awesome. Thanks for searching for your voice.

    • Melinda January 18, 2013 at 9:42 pm #

      Thanks! I’m enjoying it so far & haven’t started any world wars yet.
      Great to get some early feedback :)

  3. Angela January 24, 2013 at 11:51 am #

    You don’t have to worry Melinda…you’re plenty funny! I was also an ET fan, though thankfully I never owned a cross-dressing version (was that a limited edition?). Egads!
    Angela recently posted…Hello world!

    • Melinda January 24, 2013 at 8:35 pm #

      Thanks for visiting my blog, Angela. We have debated whether E.T. is male or female. I say female, my husband says male. Not that it really matters…

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  1. […] way too much money on some hot pink, sexy get-up. I’m not talking about something simple that E.T. might thrown on. I’m talking about something that had multiple components and attachments along with snaps, […]

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