No matter how I phrase it, I don’t think it is a compliment.
For those of you who don’t know my eating habits I don’t eat too many different things for breakfast and most of them have a bagel in the equation. So today for breakfast I went to the fridge, grabbed my milk, a bagel from the freezer and took the last two pieces of turkey bacon in the fridge. I don’t have the time to cook the bacon on the stove but it tastes good enough cooked in the microwave. So after about a minute and a half I have the perfect breakfast: a bacon bagel sandwich with cream cheese while reading a newspaper article about the Royals winning again.
Now, in the back of my mind I know that I had just committed a mortal sin as I didn’t ask MeLinda before I finished the bacon. I almost might have committed a sin to my religion but I’m not sure where turkey bacon falls on the kosher scale. Next time I run into the rabbi I’ll bring that up.
I get to work and am handling the usual craziness and I get a call from MeLinda. Not the usual “I love you” call that I get every morning along with wanting to know my request for lunch so she can have it prepared by noon upon my arrival. No, it was a more threatening call followed by a text that only said BACON WHORE.
So what have I learned from this unusual experience? Most definitely you should always have a backup package of bacon stashed in the house! Tonight I will plan on making it up to MeLinda by making popcorn cooked in bacon grease.
Editor’s note: I (MeLinda) want to defend myself! I didn’t have a single piece of bacon from that package! It’s not like I was being unreasonable by wanting some bacon. The text was just my way of giving Lee a hard time (and he knows this). However, I have officially reserved two slices of bacon from all future packages of bacon purchased by the household.